By Tim Ursiny,
Many people have had finances devastated, real estate values
drop, job challenges and other difficulties in the recession that
businesses have recently experienced. That said, many signs are now
pointing to the end of the recession and owners and managers must
turn your attention to rebuilding lives and finances. While
rebuilding may be difficult it is also doable if you follow two main
steps in the process:
1) Let go of the past
2) Develop a captivating plan
Within each of the steps there can be a few common blocks, as
well as a practical tactic for breaking free of these challenges.
Let go of the past
Main challenge =
Accepting the losses:
Many business people have difficulties rebuilding because they refuse to
accept the losses. It is like someone who has lost a loved one that
refuses to grieve at the funeral. They do not want to accept the
loss. While this tendency is completely understandable it will also
keep you stuck. Individuals who do not grieve do not move on in
life. And while some people grieve with tears and others with anger,
it is important for all of us to vent out our hurts, disappointments
What keeps us
Two main tendencies that can keep people stuck are:
1) Staring at the rear view mirror – Glancing in the rear
view mirror in your car alerts you to dangers behind and can help
navigate the road successfully. However, if you were to only stare
in the rear view mirror you would crash your car. It is like that in
looking in your past. It is good to glance at the past and to learn
from it. However, when an individual gets locked in the past they
usually crash their current and future life.
2) Blame – Blame has a short-term purpose of protecting one’s
self-esteem. When you can blame someone else for your difficulties
it temporarily makes you feel good about yourself. Blame also
has another less obvious purpose, which is why the media moves to
blame someone so quickly even in a natural disaster situation. When
someone else can be blamed for something that goes on in the world
it gives the illusion of control. Sleep comes easier because it is
now believed the world is much more predicable than it really is.
Unfortunately, blame rarely serves and distracts from learning all
you can learn about yourself when going through tough times.
great way to mourn the past is to write a venting letter. This
letter can be directed to someone or can even be written to God
(note that many of the Psalms in the Christian Bible are venting
letters). In this letter let all of your emotions out. Don’t worry
about it being pretty or logical, but rather make sure that it
expresses how you feel at the most primal level. Write until you
have nothing else left (and do not do this in an email form, you
could be venting to your boss and accidentally send it out)! When
you are done, read the letter aloud a few times with passion. Then
burn it or tear it up as a symbolic act of letting it go! If done
from the heart this is a very effective way to release the past.
Main challenge =
Letting go of the past is not enough, as you must also create the future.
When it is time to begin again, many people are hesitant due to two
fears that can keep them stuck.
What keeps us stuck
Fear of failure
– It is absolutely normal to be concerned about failing as you
try to rebuild. Few enjoy failure and some avoid it at all
costs! Fear of failure is one of the most self-limiting
tendencies and must be overcome in order to create a successful
and prosperous new life.
Fear of success
– While fear of failure is often obvious, fear of success can be
subconscious and less apparent. Many people fear success because
of their perceptions of what comes with success including
greater responsibility, less life balance, higher expectations
and even the fear that once they get it they may lose it.
Therefore, some individuals sabotage their success to guarantee
that they will not have to deal with these issues.
simplistic as it sounds there are only two main ways to deal with
fear and that is to dip or to dive. When someone is getting into a
cold swimming pool they have two choices. Some people are divers;
they get on the diving board, jump up and down a few times and then
dive into the water. They experience a rush of pain, but then they
get use to the water quickly. Others are dippers. They stick a toe
in, then the feet, then up to the knees, (wait a little) and then
slowly ease in. This approach takes longer than diving in, but is
less painful. Neither is right or wrong because both swimmers are
getting into the water. So if you are a diver, then acknowledge your
fear and just “do it”. Keep doing it until you are no longer afraid.
If, in contrast, you are a dipper then break down your rebuilding
task into ten steps. Arrange them in the order of the steps you fear
the least to the steps you fear the most. Then one by one (starting
with what you fear the least) tackle your rebuilding tasks until you
build the confidence to take on the next task.
difficult. It takes letting go of the things that you have known and
taking the risk of failing or succeeding. However, when we rebuild
we build our insights, confidence and tenacity and these are things
that will aid us for the rest of our life.
Read other articles and learn more about
Tim Ursiny, Ph.D.
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