Missing Someone so Much it Hurts? Try the Brokenheart Stomp!
Molly Barrow, Ph.D.
looking bleak? When
milestone days approach, a holiday, a birthday or deathday, do your
emotions tumble downhill as you struggle with lonely, depressing
efforts to hold back your feelings? Is the one you really want with
someone else, or did he or she pass away, yet you hunger and yearn
for whom is missing? Do you have to push away painful memories just
to get through the day and find it takes all your concentration and
energy? The pain of heartbreak can be acute and overwhelming. Your
grief keeps you focused on the pain when you think about them. Maybe
after fifty years, you only remember the day someone died or your
first love's face as he left you. The grief blocks all the good
memories that lie beneath waiting.
you like to try a quick fix for an enduring heartache? You have
memories of these people that are yours to enjoy, too. If you can
just get past the grief, even temporarily, you might recapture lost
moments of joy.
tonight to be alone and set the stage for memories of someone who
was once precious, but is now missing. Light some candles, get out
the worn photos, drop the fake smile from your face....finally, and
allow yourself to really feel the pain. Step into the murky water of
your tears and despair and wail and cry, for say, ten minutes. Then,
take the next ten minutes to crank up some rhythmic music and
express the pain physically. Boldly and wildly move your body in an
expression of your hurt. Next, gradually change the dance to a
joyful or silly one, like the chicken dance. The physical efforts
release brain chemicals. Hopefully, no one is watching this
cathartic gig but if someone is, explain that you dance for your
held inside is poison. The act of grieving is about releasing the
toxic thoughts and physical ramifications of those thoughts. Faking
it, smiling when you could split apart in pain or pretending you do
not care is not fooling your organs. Get the pent up rage, despair,
guilt or envy out of you. Just talking about it or ignoring it will
not release grief as well as the Brokenheart Stomp. The change from
a grieving movement to a happier movement will send a powerful
signal to the mind that you are trying to recover from grief.
grief is a detoxifying cleanse that allows you to recover joy and
balance to your mind and gut. You never have to stop feeling
love and longing for what you miss, but you need to periodically
fall back deeply into your sadness, feel terrible and then release
it quickly just like a cramp in your foot. When the pain begins to
build up, try shaking it out and then laugh loudly long before you
sincerely feel happy. Our bodies respond to the emotion we act out,
so act out a joyful dance.
someone - even if it does not last - can become a source of
experience and strength to treasure, if you learn to release the
grief regularly. Grief can last years, but your nervous system needs
a break frequently. The Heartbreak Stomp may shorten the pain by
grieving the feelings out just a bit while you laugh at your antics.
Take this opportunity to remember the good and bask for a bit in
positive memories of having loved someone dearly. Eventually, the
pain will go and the good memories will heal your heart and last
Read other articles and learn more
about Dr. Molly Barrow.
the author for permission to republish or reuse this article.]