The Perfect Relationship

By Frank J. Kinslow

Where “my” and “your” stop, love begins. - Karl Renz

In the Beginning…was the word and the word was Love; unconditional, boundless Love. Then, in Love, the One created the many. Love was frozen into form and creation was born. That Wholeness splintered into infinite expressions of Itself. Each splinter separate yet whole. Love saw the multitudes and called them Self. Each Self appeared outwardly unique, but all were woven from the same all-permeating essence. From the faintest subatomic shiver to the silent power of revolving galaxies, the cosmos was filled with the infinite, flawless expressions of Self.

In the Present…our world, your world, is crammed full of things. Every thought and emotion, friend and foe, mountain, mosquito and slice of cold pizza is the complete expression of Self born of Love. The problem is that most of us don’t see it that way. We see the pieces but miss the Love waiting within.

When we meet another and fall in love, what is really happening? That depends on the kind of love we have fallen into. Love comes in two apparent forms: “me” love and Self love. "Me" is everything that makes a person unique. “Me” is made of thoughts and emotions, experiences, memories, hopes and fears. “Me” love is conditional love and changes as conditions change.

Self is the unchanging part of you that was there in childhood, adolescence and is there now, never interfering but supporting all that you are. Your Self is your expression of Love but is not limited to you. Your Self, the Self of others, and even the pizza delivery dude that delivered the cold pizza are all one. Self love knows unity in diversity. It is unconditional.

Self loves without reason and “me” looks for reasons to love. When we “fall in love” it is “me” that does the falling. New “me” love is fiery and all consuming; and doomed to mediocrity. Why? Why does it always happen that way? No matter how long the relationship lasts we never recapture the sheer power of the first days of love.

When we believe in the "me" image of ourselves, we separate ourselves from what we perceive as other images and we miss the unifying Love within. I do not see you as you really are. I see you as my mind wants to see you. While I am creating an image of “you”, you are busy creating an image of me. We are like two puppeteers each feverishly working our own puppet. So engrossed are we in making the puppets relate we never get to know the other puppeteer.

Krishnamurti told us that relationships are formed between two images that the mind has created. He further revealed that the two images have their own needs and desires. They have their own agendas and live virtually isolated, within their separate worlds, taking comfort in the illusion of agreement. Krishnamurti said “… the images run parallel, like two railway lines, never meeting, except perhaps in bed …What a tragedy it has become.”

Most of us enter into a relationship for a reason like love or friendship, protection, money, excitement or danger, intellectual stimulation or physical pleasure. Then, is the purpose of forming a relationship solely for gain?

Yes! The answer to the question “Why do relationships exist?” is that they do so solely for gain. But they do not exist solely for our selfish gain, quite the contrary. Relationships are not strengthened by more money, control or time. They are not even justified, as is commonly thought, by increasing the intensity of love between two people. Eckhart Tolle hit it right on the button when he said, “A relationship is to make you aware – not happy.” Relationships are perfect opportunities to become Self-aware.

The flirtatious conditional love cannot last. We cannot live the illusion of conditional love when Universal Love is only a heartbeat away. Our Self will not allow it. Something will always go wrong. When it does, we wake up. After awakening, we usually try and fix the apparent problem. The waking up is good, the fixing is misguided. Trying to fix a “me” relationship just leads to more problems that need to be fixed. Isn’t that your experience? You can’t fix an illusion with an illusion.

The real problem is the illusion that the relationship needs to be fixed. We want to make things right when the truth is, they already are. This is not a case of the glass being half full or half empty. This is a fundamental and profound shift in our perception. This is where “me” awareness grows into Self-awareness. Perfect Love created every Self in perfect harmony with every other Self. Simple awareness of this simple state yields complete freedom to Love.

Our part in a relationship is this, to take responsibility for our own awareness. The rest will take care of itself. This is a leap of faith for many. Our partner doesn’t need to stop squeezing the toothpaste from the top of the tube. We need to be aware. That is all. That is how simple it is. The perfect relationship starts and ends with awareness of Self. When Self-awareness dawns, the two “railway lines” meet, not on the horizon, but at our very feet and Love shimmers on the surface of every Self.

Frank Kinslow has been a chiropractic physician and a teacher for the Deaf. He has been a guest on numerous radio and television programs and lectured extensively on Self Inquiry, a system that answers the age old questions, “Who am I” and “What is my purpose.” For more than 35 years he has helped people from every walk of life see how truly easy it is to find inner peace. He resides in Sarasota, Florida and is author of the influential book  Beyond Happiness: How You Can Fulfill Your Deepest Desire.  For more information, go to www.FrankKinslow.com.

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