The Perfect Relationship
By Frank J. Kinslow
Where “my” and “your” stop, love begins. -
Beginning…was the word and the word was Love; unconditional,
boundless Love. Then, in Love, the One created the many. Love was
frozen into form and creation was born. That Wholeness splintered
into infinite expressions of Itself. Each splinter separate yet
whole. Love saw the multitudes and called them Self. Each Self
appeared outwardly unique, but all were woven from the same
all-permeating essence. From the faintest subatomic shiver to the
silent power of revolving galaxies, the cosmos was filled with the
infinite, flawless expressions of Self.
Present…our world, your world, is crammed full of things. Every
thought and emotion, friend and foe, mountain, mosquito and slice of
cold pizza is the complete expression of Self born of Love. The
problem is that most of us don’t see it that way. We see the pieces
but miss the Love waiting within.
meet another and fall in love, what is really happening? That
depends on the kind of love we have fallen into. Love comes in two
apparent forms: “me” love and Self love. "Me" is everything that
makes a person unique. “Me” is made of thoughts and emotions,
experiences, memories, hopes and fears. “Me” love is conditional
love and changes as conditions change.
the unchanging part of you that was there in childhood, adolescence
and is there now, never interfering but supporting all that you are.
Your Self is your expression of Love but is not limited to you. Your
Self, the Self of others, and even the pizza delivery dude that
delivered the cold pizza are all one. Self love knows unity in
diversity. It is unconditional.
loves without reason and “me” looks for reasons to love. When we
“fall in love” it is “me” that does the falling. New “me” love is
fiery and all consuming; and doomed to mediocrity. Why? Why does it
always happen that way? No matter how long the relationship lasts we
never recapture the sheer power of the first days of love.
we believe in the "me" image of ourselves, we separate ourselves
from what we perceive as other images and we miss the unifying Love
within. I do not see you as you really are. I see you as my mind
wants to see you. While I am creating an image of “you”, you are
busy creating an image of me. We are like two puppeteers each
feverishly working our own puppet. So engrossed are we in making the
puppets relate we never get to know the other puppeteer.
Krishnamurti told us that relationships are formed between two
images that the mind has created. He further revealed that the two
images have their own needs and desires. They have their own agendas
and live virtually isolated, within their separate worlds, taking
comfort in the illusion of agreement. Krishnamurti said “… the
images run parallel, like two railway lines, never meeting, except
perhaps in bed …What a tragedy it has become.”
of us enter into a relationship for a reason like love or
friendship, protection, money, excitement or danger, intellectual
stimulation or physical pleasure. Then, is the purpose of forming a
relationship solely for gain?
The answer to the question “Why do relationships exist?” is that
they do so solely for gain. But they do not exist solely for our
selfish gain, quite the contrary. Relationships are not strengthened
by more money, control or time. They are not even justified, as is
commonly thought, by increasing the intensity of love between two
people. Eckhart Tolle hit it right on the button when he said, “A
relationship is to make you aware – not happy.” Relationships are
perfect opportunities to become Self-aware.
flirtatious conditional love cannot last. We cannot live the
illusion of conditional love when Universal Love is only a heartbeat
away. Our Self will not allow it. Something will always go wrong.
When it does, we wake up. After awakening, we usually try and fix
the apparent problem. The waking up is good, the fixing is
misguided. Trying to fix a “me” relationship just leads to more
problems that need to be fixed. Isn’t that your experience? You
can’t fix an illusion with an illusion.
real problem is the illusion that the relationship needs to be
fixed. We want to make things right when the truth is, they
already are. This is not a case of the glass being half
full or half empty. This is a fundamental and profound shift in our
perception. This is where “me” awareness grows into Self-awareness.
Perfect Love created every Self in perfect harmony with every other
Self. Simple awareness of this simple state yields complete freedom
part in a relationship is this, to take responsibility for our own
awareness. The rest will take care of itself. This is a leap of
faith for many. Our partner doesn’t need to stop squeezing the
toothpaste from the top of the tube. We need to be aware. That is
all. That is how simple it is. The perfect relationship starts and
ends with awareness of Self. When Self-awareness dawns, the two
“railway lines” meet, not on the horizon, but at our very feet and
Love shimmers on the surface of every Self.
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