Turn Yourself Into a Star Performer:
Tips on Cultivating Confidence

By Dr. Christopher Knippers

Confidence is a rare quality, even among those who have learned to ‘appear’ confident.  Confidence is characterized by a basic belief in one’s own value as a person and competence at certain skills, whether it is professional, technical or interpersonal skills.  They are not arrogant – they don’t have to be. Being self-assured means you are secure in your own specific abilities and are happy to let others shine in their own ways. Confident people are not overly sensitive and don’t have big egos. Those who are truly self-assured are the ones you feel good being around.

While you may not have been born with this kind of poise or self-assurance, it is easy enough to hone and develop your own confidence. These kinds of skills can not only help you in the workplace, but can also help improve your social skills and relationships.

Here are a few tips on developing confidence:

• Become aware of your own strengths. Keep developing those strengths and focus your thoughts on what you do well. Make a list of your strengths and contributions to your job. Maybe you are good at staying focused, or are good at listening, or are creative, etc. The confidence that develops from these thoughts will be self-perpetuating and will make you actually perform better.

• Accept your weaknesses while trying to improve, knowing that you don’t have to develop perfection in every aspect of life. When you catch yourself making a mistake or being frustrated by a task, pause to acknowledge that while you are not the best in that particular area, you can work on it. If it is some area that you need to be better in for your job, seek the help you need to develop that skill.

• Develop and focus on thoughts about yourself that reflect respect for yourself and others. Literally have phrases in mind that describe personal qualities that are positive in the workplace, such as, “I am friendly,” or, “I am conscientious.”

• Visualize yourself in positive ways. What you imagine has a significant chance of becoming reality. Picture yourself speaking up or being creative in a meeting.  Picture yourself succeeding in the specific functions of your day-to-day routine.

• Practice relaxing and fun activities on a regular basis. “Play” helps people of all ages and stages of life to develop confidence. You can do things like take breaks at work for a quick game of trashcan basketball, develop your sense of humor (keep it “appropriate” for the workplace), go outside and breath the fresh air for a few minutes, or simply sit at your desk and close your eyes while practicing deep breathing for 10 minutes. Certainly, take time for recreation outside of work.

• Learn assertiveness skills. We are seldom taught these. Instead, we learn “aggressiveness” and “passiveness” to cope with conflict. Assertiveness is simply, rationally standing up for what you believe is best for you and the organization, voicing your opinion calmly, and respecting the rights of others. A few ways that assertiveness appears in the workplace is speaking up in meetings to voice an opinion, standing up for your rights, respectfully letting a colleague know when they have been unprofessional in their treatment of you, and saying “no” to additional workload when you are already overloaded. There are numerous books and one-day workshops on assertiveness.

• Always do your best. Don’t allow yourself to get lazy during work hours. Be able to look back on your 40-hour week and say that you were productive. Too much overtime and high-stress work environments are not efficient systems; but neither is an environment that is too laid-back, where people are looking for ways to get out of actually working, rather than looking for ways to get more done in a reasonable amount of time. To be confident you need to be able to point to accomplishments on the job.

• Be aware of your “image.” Like it or not, we are judged for our appearance. People do notice when you are well-groomed, dress appropriately, carry yourself (your posture) with confidence, and speak clearly and audibly.

• Be friendly. A smile goes a long way toward helping you feel confident. Show interest in your co-workers and you will experience the confidence that comes from being well-liked. Even the crabbiest people usually respond positively to a consistently friendly co-worker.

Here are some things to avoid, because they undermine confidence:

• Avoid taking things personally that others do or say. The workplace usually has people who are insecure and try to feel better about themselves by putting others down. Don’t participate at any level of that game. Also, allow others to do their job, even if that involves disagreeing with your opinion. Remember others have the right to express what they think, even if it is different that what you believe.

• Avoid workplace dramas (e.g. gossip, grudges, negativity, etc.).  Just stick to your duties. You will feel better about yourself if you stay emotionally balanced, and stay with the tasks that are relevant to your work.

• Avoid comparing yourself to someone who is stronger in another area than you are. Comparisons are often irrelevant because they don’t take all factors into consideration. And, comparisons can drain your confidence. Someone might be better at sales, creativity, or coordination; but look at your strengths, emphasize them, and if you want help from the expert in some other area, ask for it.

• Avoid resentments. You will definitely have conflicts in the course of working with a staff for any significant length of time. While it might be a good idea to confront the situation/person at the time of the betrayal, after the confrontation drop the resentment, no matter what response you receive. Harboring resentment only undermines your own positive feelings about yourself.

Be persistent in your efforts to build confidence. Continually gather evidence of reasons to believe in yourself. You may have had many years to gather evidence for less-than-confident thoughts about yourself; so be persistent and patient in the process of building up your confidence.

Also, help others in the workplace build their confidence. Give compliments freely and sincerely. Do practical things to help someone else with a project. In the long run, confident employees are much more efficient, passionate, have lower absenteeism, and will make the workplace a much more pleasant place.

Dr. Christopher Knippers is a psychologist and author in Rancho Mirage, California. An evaluation specialist for the Betty Ford Center, Dr. Knippers has a wide range of expertise, especially in depression, addiction and self-esteem issues. He teaches graduate and undergraduate classes in psychology, counseling and personality theories at Chapman University. In addition, Dr. Knippers is author of three books, including his forthcoming book, “Cultivating Confidence: Your Guide to a More Fulfilling Life.” For more information, please call: 760-408-9965 or email: dr.knippers@att.net.

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