Principles For Connecting Well With Others
What value can you put on confidence of Cruise? The charm of
Obama? Or the suave of De Niro?
In Daniel Goleman's best selling book Social Intelligence he
concludes that the greatest successes in life aren't usually the
most talented or brain smart – the most successful are very good at
communicating and connecting with people (socially intelligent).
This makes sense - human beings have survived for eons and become
the most dominant species on the planet because of its ability to
overcome challenges as a tribe. To acquire the social skills that
allow you to “tap into” the power of the human tribe can give you an
almost unfair advantage over others.
Knowing how to work with others is not just something you are
born with, (although it might seem that way for some people) it's
actually a skill that can be developed and mastered with effort. And
because we derive so much joy from our relationships, mastering the
ability to connect with others is perhaps one of the most rewarding
things you could ever learn.
What follows are 13 principles you could immediately start
putting into practice to develop your ability to connect with
others. These principles will strengthen your social intelligence
and open up a plethora of opportunities and experiences that might
not otherwise have been available.
Principle 1: Master Effective Communication:
Learn the art of body language; the words and tone of your voice
convey precisely what you mean. The success of a communication is
based on the response. If people don’t always respond in the way
you’d like them to, take responsibility and improve how you
Principle 2: Connect with Purpose:
Two people must share a purpose for connecting or the connection
will inevitably grow apart. That purpose must be known to both
Principle 3: Find Many Ways to Say Thank You:
Deep down everyone wants to feel loved. A safe form of love is
appreciation. By showing sincere appreciation for others, you make
them feel good. And being the source of their feeling good, they
will want to associate with you.
Principle 4: Want but Never Need:
Learn through meditation or prayer to love your self and be at peace
when alone. A whole person that would be perfectly happy by
themselves but wants to share the life experience with others is
more desirable to be around than an incomplete person that selfishly
needs others to feel complete. One is an addition in the lives of
others, and the other is a subtraction.
Principle 5: Have a Clear Outcome:
This works in all aspects of human relations, whether it is in sales
or matters of love and friendship. Knowing where you want an
interaction to lead will help you guide it there in a thousand
Principle 6: Learn from Others:
Whether you are talking to the laborer in the field or the president
of a country, ask questions and be genuinely interested; there is
something to learn from every person’s experiences.
Principle 7: Add More Value than You Receive
The universe is like a great bank account and every interaction is
an opportunity to make a deposit (add value) or a withdrawal
(subtract value). You are rich in your ability to add value all the
time, no matter what your background or circumstance. Trust that the
universe will pay interest (reward you) for having a surplus of
Principle 8: Consider Lifetime Value:
People are people for as long as they are alive. In business, this
means the value of a customer is more than their first transaction.
If you add value by delivering more than you promise and find ways
to serve their needs in the future, you almost virtually guarantee
long-term success. As a rule, treat everyone as though you’ll be
dealing with them for a lifetime, and never engage in any short-term
gain that jeopardizes your character or reputation.
Principle 9: Build Rapport through Regular Contact:
Communicate regularly with your network and strive to add value in
every interaction. It’s not enough to simply be visible; you want
your visibility to add value in some way.
Principle 10: Build Reputation but Never Believe It:
Build a reputation, for honesty, goodness, and value and be these
things. Know yourself and never be knocked off center if others
criticize or insult you. The truth will eventually be known, and a
calm demeanor says more than words.
Principle 11: Live with Integrity:
Your behaviors define you. When you live with integrity, you honor
your top values with action. Living a life of integrity means doing
what you feel is most important—not what others say is important.
Principle 12: Practice Open Communication:
Communicating openly does not mean giving away everything. It means
being sincere in your efforts to improve relations with another
person, even if that requires bringing something out in the open
that might be painful at first.
Principle 13: Give of your Gifts:
Identify the unique set of talents, skills, and passions you have to
contribute to the world. Find ways to combine and use them to add
the most value in working with others.
If you liked what you read and you think it will be useful in
your life, think of some ways now that you can apply it. For
information to be retained it must be applied immediately. Think of
a situation in the future where you could apply at least
three of the 13
Connection Principles you read in this article. Experiment and
notice your results. Revisit this article often as you develop your
social intelligence into mastery.
James Rick (also known as Mr. Full Potential) is founder of
FullPotential.com and the Full Potential Philosophy. He helps people
around the world create and condition high value routines for their
personal life, business and relationships. He is the author of
Unleash Your Full Potential: The Secret for Revealing Your Hidden
[Contact the author for permission to republish or reuse this article.]